Finding Your Perfect Match… For a Therapist
By: Lindsay Mann, LP-MHC
How To Find Your Perfect Match… for a Therapist:
When choosing a therapist, there is usually a photo and a bio to go from. However, that doesn’t say much about the person, or how the two of you will connect. It’s not so far off from dating apps! They may look great on paper, but when going out on dates, there might be something that feels “off” or awkward.
Starting therapy and talking about vulnerable topics is already scary. Many people tend to stay with a therapist just because they don’t want to “re-tell” their story to someone else, despite the doubt they may feel. However, research shows that the therapist-client relationship is the most important factor contributing to the success of therapy.
Don’t get me wrong, a therapist’s credentials and treatment modality are important
factors, but don’t underestimate that “we-just-clicked” feeling. The therapeutic
relationship is a relationship that is so different than what many of us are used to in our personal lives. Having an unbiased, non-judgmental, credible individual that is apart from your daily, personal life is so significant. Together, you explore your relational patterns, work on personal goals, express desires and fears, and so much more. It is important to not judge a therapist on the ease of therapy.
Therapy is not always fun; it can be hard work. However, you work through the adversity with a trusted professional in a safe environment allowing you to make changes, which can then translate into your personal lives.
Important factors that contribute to that “we-just-clicked” feeling & what to look out for when meeting with potential clinicians.
· Do you feel supported & safe in session?
- To talk about difficult topics, you need to feel safe & supported. Talking about such topics can feel triggering, dangerous, or just too much if you don’t feel safe in the physical or virtual room.
· Like any healthy relationship, you want to feel safe to talk about things
happening in your personal life, along with what is going on in the
therapeutic relationship. For example, you should feel welcomed to give
your therapist input.
-This may sound like: “I actually disagree with that”, or “no that’s not
what I mean.”
-Saying things like this are not a red flag! It is actually a green flag because it shows that you are comfortable and feel safe enough to disclose your thoughts. This will just make the work more align and meaningful.
· Do you feel heard?
-You want a therapist that truly listens to you because you deserve to be
heard! You are never a burden to your therapist (if you feel like one, that’s
your sign to look elsewhere).
· Does your therapist understand your goals?
-The two of you should be on the same page as to what you would like to
gain from therapy.
· Does your therapist push you to seek out alternative thought processes or different perspectives?
-You don’t want a “yes-man” as a therapist. This is part of what makes the
therapeutic alliance different than any other relationship. They may not
always tell you what you want to hear, but they should encourage you to
expand your thinking in ways that will aid in your growth journey.
The bottom lines is:
You want a therapist that you “click” with.
You most likely won’t have the answers to these questions after one or two sessions. Like any relationship, they take time. However, once you find a therapeutic relationship that has a foundation built on safety, trust, security, communication, and care, the possibilities are endless.
How to contact Lindsay for a consultation:
E-mail: lrm.hlwtherapy@gmail.com (or Email link on the “Teams” page)
Instagram: lrm_therapy