What I Wish More People Knew About Eating Disorders and Infertility
To Anyone Who’s Experienced Both
When I first started sharing publicly about my infertility, I hesitated. Not because I didn’t want to talk about it. I did; desperately. But I was afraid of what people would assume:
“Oh… she’s going through IVF? Well, she used to have an eating disorder. That must be why.”
And that assumption, that kind of causal leap, has kept me quiet in ways I didn’t fully recognize until recently.
Shame Is Loud (And Inaccurate)
I’ve been open on social media for years about my eating disorder recovery. It’s a huge part of my story, my identity, and my “why” as a therapist.
But when I entered the world of fertility treatment, I found myself shrinking. Not in my values, but in my visibility. Because part of me felt like I had to “prove” that my current struggle wasn’t my fault. That I didn’t bring it on myself. That I wasn’t paying the price for what I did to my body years ago.
The shame almost silenced me.
But here’s what I’ve learned since pushing through and talking anyway:
It’s not always the eating disorder that causes infertility. Sometimes it’s the causes of infertility that contributed to the development or continuation of the eating disorder in the first place.
What I’ve Learned About My Body (And Myself)
As I’ve moved through testing, surgery, hormone mapping, and treatment prep, I’ve learned so much more about my own reproductive and endocrine health than I ever had access to before.
And with that knowledge has come clarity. And grief. And compassion.
1. I have PCOS.
Polycystic Ovary Syndrome is a complex hormonal condition that affects ovulation, insulin sensitivity, and weight regulation.
Growing up, I didn’t know I had PCOS. I just knew my body didn’t “bounce back” like my peers’. That the same lunchroom snacks, carb-loading parties before a big game, or skipped meals didn’t have the same outcome for me. That I was constantly comparing my appetite, my shape, and my cravings.
In a culture that equates thinness with control and value, this felt unbearable. So I started trying to fix my body before I even understood it.
In hindsight? My disordered eating wasn’t just about food. It was about trying to fit a body into a system that was never designed to understand it.
2. I have Endometriosis and Adenomyosis.
These are two conditions that affect the uterus and surrounding pelvic structures. They cause pain, inflammation, and something that many people in this community know too well: endo belly.
That bloated, distended, hard-to-button-your-jeans belly that comes out of nowhere. That belly that can show up even when you’ve barely eaten. That belly that made me feel ashamed, and made me assume, yet again, that I had done something wrong.
Long before I knew I had endo, I was treating that bloating like a failure. It reinforced the lie that my body needed to be micromanaged. Even when I was doing nothing wrong.
A Loop, Not a Line
So, was my eating disorder the cause of my infertility?
No. Particularly because by the time I had started trying to conceive, I was over a decade into my recovery, and all the labs that once were abnormal had corrected with long-term nutrition restoration.
But…were the same systemic, hormonal, and emotional factors contributing to both?
Absolutely. When I look at the full picture now, I see a loop. A feedback cycle of pain, confusion, shame, and attempts to control. And a younger version of myself who didn’t have the information, support, or diagnostic clarity to make sense of it all.
Why I’m Talking About It Now
I’m talking about this now because maybe you’re like me. Maybe you’re someone in eating disorder recovery who’s also navigating fertility challenges. Maybe you’ve felt ashamed, misunderstood, or afraid of what people will assume. Maybe you’ve internalized the belief that this is your fault.
It’s not.
We do a disservice when we draw a straight line between eating disorders and infertility without acknowledging:
Genetics
Undiagnosed chronic conditions
Hormonal differences
Medical gaslighting
Cultural fatphobia
Trauma
And the emotional labor of existing in a body that doesn’t do what you were taught it “should”
Final Thoughts
I’m still learning how to hold both truths:
That I hurt my body when I lacked knowledge about women’s health and my diagnoses.
That I’m still worthy of compassion, love, and support.
That infertility isn’t a punishment. It’s a challenge. And it deserves care, not shame.
If you’re in this overlap; if you’ve ever felt the tangled, emotional mess of food, fertility, and feeling misunderstood, I see you.
You’re not alone. Your story is nuanced. And you’re allowed to share it; even if it makes people uncomfortable. Especially if it makes people feel less alone.
Are you a woman battling infertility in New York, New Jersey, or Florida? Reach out for support today!
Our Services
At HLH Therapy, our relational therapists offer virtual therapy for individuals and couples in New York, New Jersey, & Florida. We specialize in Maternal Mental Health (including infertility, IVF, pregnancy, and postpartum), Eating Disorders, Disordered Eating, Body Image, Anxiety, Depression, Trauma, and Couples Therapy.