The Emotional Weight Behind Body Image
Feeling fat is rarely about fat.
It’s about feeling emotionally uncomfortable taking up space, and being seen or heard, because you were taught this was shameful. You’re allowed to take up space: physically and emotionally.
Let’s Talk About “Feeling Fat”
Most of us have said it. “I just feel fat today.” Not I feel bloated or I feel tired, but fat, as if “fat” were an emotion. But here's the thing: “feeling fat” is almost never about fatness itself.
It's not a tangible sensation or an accurate reflection of your body’s shape from one day to the next. It’s an emotional language we’ve been conditioned to speak; especially those of us socialized in environments that equated thinness with virtue and worth.
What We Really Mean When We Say “Fat”
When someone says “I feel fat,” they often mean:
I feel exposed.
I feel ashamed.
I feel like too much.
I feel like I don’t deserve to be seen.
In sessions with clients, this phrase frequently surfaces during moments of emotional overwhelm. It becomes a body-based stand-in for other uncomfortable or unspoken emotions. Sadness, grief, anger, rejection, fear: all of them can funnel into body image when we haven’t been taught how to safely feel or express them.
Shame and the Inheritance of Smallness
Many of us were raised, directly or indirectly, with the belief that taking up less space was the goal. That meant being agreeable, quiet, accommodating... and often, physically smaller. So when life feels heavy; when you're navigating uncertainty, emotional pain, or loss, it makes sense that it might manifest as a desire to shrink, or a discomfort with the space you occupy.
The body becomes the battleground for unresolved stories about visibility, safety, and self-worth.
You’re Allowed to Take Up Space
Healing your relationship with your body isn’t just about food or fitness. It’s about untangling the narratives that taught you your needs, your voice, or your body were too much.
It’s about remembering:
You are not a burden for existing.
Your emotions are not excessive.
Your body does not need to apologize to be worthy.
In Therapy, We Name This
As a therapist, I often help clients explore what “feeling fat” is really pointing to. Is it a story of rejection? A resurfacing of shame? A coping mechanism from a time when shrinking felt safer than being seen? We use curiosity instead of judgment, and compassion instead of control.
Because healing body image is never about fixing the body; it’s about reclaiming your right to take up space, physically and emotionally.
You Don’t Have to Shrink to Be Loved
You were never too big. You were never too much. You were never a problem to be solved through disappearance. You’re allowed to be here: in your fullness, in your grief, in your joy, in your body. And that is the work we can do. Together.
To start therapy, reach out for a free 15 minute consultation today!
Our Services
At HLH Therapy, our relational therapists offer virtual therapy for individuals and couples in New York, New Jersey, & Florida. We specialize in Maternal Mental Health (including infertility, IVF, pregnancy, and postpartum), Eating Disorders, Disordered Eating, Body Image, Anxiety, Depression, Trauma, and Couples Therapy.